Thursday, May 17, 2012

Beauty #2 Stress and control

I think sometimes as we get older, we find it harder to find beauty in things.  We find it harder to get enjoyment out of the things that used to make us happy.  I told an old friend the other night that most of the time I really feel like I'm some one different than I used to be; I feel like I'm not fun anymore.  Why do I feel that way you may ask?  I don't see the beauty enough. Sometimes I become more and more afraid that the things I still find beauty in will slip away. 

I often worry that I am the only one who feels this way.  I am so afraid to take risks, to jump of the ledge and not worry about where I fall.  I want to move away once I graduate, but I often find myself almost paralyzed by fear.  What if I can't find a job?  What if I am a bad teacher?  What if I don't make enough money? What if my life doesn't work out the way I always hoped it would?  Why can't I just give up control and let God take the wheel?
I realize this is something I need to work on. I need to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks I should do, and do what I think is best for me.  I need to start taking risks.  Let's say I move to Boston...what's the worst that can happen?  Okay maybe I can't pay all of my bills and buy groceries in a given month.  Are my parents going to let me starve? No, so why worry about it?
I guess there is beauty in admitting this is a fault and is something I want to work on and need to work on.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Beauty #1

I have a lot on my heart tonight; I'm not sure it's something I can share with the world or even with myself.  Sometimes you stumble across something--maybe while cleaning, maybe while researching, or any other thing in which you are just "doing you thing".  Then something pops out.  Kicks you in the gut.  Makes you cry and beg for mercy.  Makes you wish you could change the past.  But you can't; you can't change the past.
Sometimes you have to figure out where life is supposed to lead you.  I have wondered that a lot lately.  This time next year I will be graduating.  You would think I would know exactly where I was going, exactly what I wanted to get my master's in, exactly where my life should be.  I don't though; I don't know the answers to these questions and it scares the daylights out of me.
This quote seems to be what I need right now. 
I don't have to decide tonight; I don't have to decide this week or this month.  But this is going to be the hardest decision of my life.  I need to be ready for it.

Why I Wanted To Start This Blog

I'm sure those of you, you being two followers, have wondered why I quit at my other blog.  There are a myriad of reasons to answer that question, but the easiest would be that having a crafting blog and being a college student don't go together.  Specifically having a crafting blog and being a college student in the middle of no where don't go together.  Having a blog that revolves just around music on Monday's and crafting the rest of the time just leaves you no room to be creative.  That sounds like an oxymoron, but you try writing a blog on one topic that would require you to be close to a Michael's and tell me how it works out for you.  I love crafts, but it is just too hard to stay in those lines and still have a desire to write.
"Scraps of Beauty" You probably wonder what that means.  It means anything I deem to be beautiful. This beauty could be words, songs, pictures, memories, art, crafts...the list goes on.  Beauty can be anywhere--it can be in the sunset or the people you love. It can be in treasured memories you keep deep in your heart or the home cooked meal you made for dinner.  "Scraps of Beauty" is what YOU find beauty in.
Hopefully, I can stick to this format.